2024

2024 was a challenging year, and I know it’s not just me who struggled, so many people I’ve talked to have said it was a rough year. I’m really hoping 2025 brings more joy for myself and everyone.

Even though 2024 was a struggle I can still look back and see things I’m thankful for.

This year brought a lot of healing and growth in my relationships. Small bits of healing began in 2024, I’ve begun to recover and gain more balance in my life, and my interpersonal relationships have really improved. I’ve grown, and I’m thankful. 2024 has taught me to allow people to be where they are without feeling the need to “fix” things. Life is a process, and allowing others the time and space they need to figure things out on their own is a gift. Giving people a safe space to grow is also a gift, and I’ve really grown in this area of my life as a mom, and wife and friend.

I’m glad to leave most of 2024 behind, but I’m taking the growth I’ve had into 2025 with me. So much can change in a year and this year my hope is to embrace the changes that come my way.

I wish you healing this new year, I wish you moments of connection and that you feel fully present to experience the good that will come your way. I wish these things for myself also.

Here’s hoping that 2025 brings surprises that give us hope as humans.

Gatekeeping

Today I came across a tiktok video by one of my favourite creators. She’s a 70 year old woman who lives a sort of vintage life, and she share’s wisdom and her life on TikTok. She dresses in entirely vintage clothes as well, and wears these beautiful nightgowns. Apparently she gets a lot of requests as to where she buys them, and today she shared, she started by saying she doesn’t gatekeep information and she’s happy to share exactly where she got them. It was like a lightbulb turned on. I grew up with this attitude of gatekeeping. I always felt like some in my family thought they were cooler. I’ve always felt like my family was subtly competitive, but I’m realizing the attitude was more like gatekeeping, they would kind of hide certain things they thought I wasn’t cool enough for. It was more of an attitude then a direct insult. They wanted cool things for themselves and they didn’t want me to like or have those same “things”, and when I did there was sort of a quiet attitude that the cool thing was no longer cool, whether it was music or clothes or talents, or experiences. I was made to feel like I wasn’t worthy. I’ve said it before but my thinking now is that liking things is not an accomplishment. And why? Why not share with others freely? Why hoard good things. I think it stems from insecurity. I want people to enjoy things, and I love finding things I enjoy in common with others.

Here is the definition of gatekeeping:

The activity of trying to control who gets particular resources, power, or opportunities, and who does not: We are seeing the decline of cultural gatekeeping— the control over what is deemed worthy exerted by critics, educators, and so forth.

It’s a toxic attitude and it’s the opposite of generous, its an ugly attitude of making people feel unworthy. And it’s an attitude I need to watch for in myself and it’s certainly a red flag in others. Unless you’re the creator of the “things” you really have no ownership, anyone can and should be free to like things, try things and enjoy things. Being more generous is the attitude I strive for, being generous doesn’t include gatekeeping.

Linked below is the TikTok video mentioned, go give this sweet lady a follow, she really is a breath of fresh air.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMk6GNFVo/

The online world at the moment

Hills and tress in ink by me L.D

Anyone else notice how awful it is online right now? So much anger, so much hate. I post and leave because scrolling is upsetting. Last week I came across this video making fun of autistic people, and I was hurt by it, the comments were so hateful. People saying that autism is just trendy, that people fake to be “quirky”. I’m not saying people don’t ever fake but why? Why would someone fake a disability? Autistic people have what some might call quirks, so do non autistic people. What people don’t see are the challenges, the meltdowns, the real life bullying that happens. It’s incredibly hurtful to see so much misinformation and devaluation happening online towards the autistic community. Why is it so hard to accept that people experience life differently, why is it so hard to accept that people don’t grow out of autism, and that autistic adults aren’t faking.

The world seems uglier these days and it can be hard to see how things will get better when people still spread so much hate. Making fun of others is elementary school bullying behaviour, and seeing it in adults online has an impact, especially on younger people.

We have to do better, we have to be kinder. As a person who strongly suspects I am autistic and has an autistic child it’s become nearly impossible to talk about online without someone, mostly some adult mocking. The only solution I’ve been able to come up with personally to combat the online awfulness is blocking, I’ve never blocked so much in my life.

Words online count, words online have an impact, and words online can be damaging, remember that before you carelessly post a comment, there are real people with real feelings reading these things and your words can have the power to make or break. Choose wisely, and lead with kindness, the words of hate you choose to spew may hurt someone, may create a situation where your loved one is struggling and doesn’t feel safe talking about it with you because of your behaviour. Before you post think, and use empathy.